You see, Toyota heard of the North Pole’s troubles and thought it would be good publicity for them to fund this year’s Santa trip around the world—after all, Santa GOOOOOD, no Christmas, BAAAAAAD.
And to seal the deal Santa was presented a brand new flashy Hundyai by Toyota. Why? Er…..because they can?
And there began the trouble---Santa can’t drive. Not even the sleigh—no a vehicle of any kind. His drivers are reindeer and Donner heads the team.
But Santa was thrilled with his new aquistion and took it out for a spin despite desperate pleas from Mrs. Clause and Sebastian Elf, Mrs Clause’s assistant.
So off he went, barreling down a steep slope—right over the reindeer clauseway—tearing up the ice as 65 plus miles an hour—zooming straight into Elfington—ho ho hoing his way down that slope and right into the Kringle Kandy Shop where he was hurled out of the car upon impact and impaled in the ass by a very important looking candy cane addressed to the president of Toyota.
OK, I have to say it: This did not sit well with the residents of Elfington. There was NO WAY that Santa was going to heal up in time
Toyota was not worrying—they still had their positive PR and besides, the fat old elf was driving a Huyndai. Those guys sure are brilliant, aren’t they?
Now, in the North Pole, there is hardly any medicine at all. Up there it’s all elves and reindeer and each species has its own ways of healing.
That jolly old fat man—is not an elf. He is in fact a jolly old fat man who was out on a drunk when he was picked up and taken to the North Pole and the built by the elves and given Mrs Clause and a nice warm home and lots of cookies and milk.
So the elves did not know exactly how to fix Santa’s peppermint scented bum so they extracted the candy cane and left the healing to Santa’s Wife’s assistant, Sebastian, who really only knew how to do ONE thing: he spent the afternoon sponging Santa’s bottom down with warm milk. As soon as that was done he constructed a cast, yes a cast, out of oatmeal cookies and told Santa to lay in bed and rest and to stay AWAY from the reindeer as reindeer really enjoy oatmeal cookies.
Well, we are talking about a demented old man who never listens to anyone and off he goes to address his troops, the reindeer. They are going to ride through this together –friends to the end!
Well, they ate his pants. Then they ate his cookie cast. Then they ate his shirt and his hat and would have eaten him if old elf crumbwell hadn’t reached in that corral and pulled him out and returned him to his home and his bed.
Now that was the last that I heard of the incident until yesterday.
I was over a the inworldz Christmas display talking to Bebe and admiring her Mooville display and turned and started heading back to mine which was, for some inexplicable reason, a gas station.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear but a tiny red sleigh and eight tiny rein…..er…shelties.
Shetland Sheepdogs, eight of them and a little puppie with a really bright red nose.
There was a polar bear driving the sleigh and so the moral of this tale is:
Put away them milk and cookies boys and girls and break out the salmon cause Bear Clause is comin’ to town!