Saturday, April 28, 2012

It was the best of times. It was. …Well, it was the times….

And so the Mighty Magpie flies and flies and looks down on the countryside and lights upon another worn, worm-holed and textured distressed fence post of topical topsy-turviness.

Its all there folks in black and white for you to read and now, through the magic of streaming media, you can be force fed oodles and oodles of endless tripity tripe that at one time was reserved only for those viewers of the mindless but warmly loved boob tube.

Boobus Americanus

So sit with me here while I regurgitate another round of recent events that should never have come to soak into that sponge that is the human brain.  News that is so irrelevant that it bears noting here at The Mighty Magpie.

Al Franken Cries….right up there with that classic “Jesus Wept.”

Al Franken had his day in Congress this week when he openly wept before the forum during a debate on the renewal of the “Violence Against Women Act”.  It seems he was quoting from the words of the late Sheila Wellstone who was best known as a champion, a modern day Joan of Arc, who advocated the safety of women from the violence of men.

The good Senators voted 68 to 31 to renew the act. Yay for the good guys!  68 senators against violence toward women and 31 senators in favor of violence toward women.  Now, I might be twisting the meaning a bit but people I find it absolutely appalling that this subject even has to be debated.  Violence against women is good---Fire is bad. It’s just that simple.  You are, like the voter says, either for or against.

So Mr. Franken, good on you for standing up and taking out the tears in front of your peers.  Send me a list of those 31 people who voted against the act.  I would be curious as to their reason for fighting against something that is so morally correct.

Thomas Kemp: Did he die in pain?

Thomas Kemp, age 63 was executed this week in the Arizona State Prison system.  Seems that he kill a Hispanic student and told the corrections officer that he did so “without regret”.  He also launched into a tirade about immigrants being beneath him.  Nice guy.  To me, looking from my fence post, this looks like a bonafide hate crime. 

The issue that is has now become part of a civil suit is whether or not Mr. Kemp experienced pain during the execution process. In other words, did the corrections officers hurt the bad man?

Folks, he took the life of another human being and he indicated that he did it without remorse.  Do you think the victim experience pain?  Did Kemp sit his victim down in a nice comfortable chair in a classic Soylent Green moment and put the victim down peacefully while watching a large screen TV of flowers overlaid by layers and layers of classical music?

Of course he didn’t. He slaughtered another human being.  Put this to bed lawyers. How is this going to benefit your deceased client?  Are you going to contact him by Ouija Board to confer?  What is the point? Let this subject die like Kemp let his victim die. For shame!

Well, Boom!

There was an explosion in Hamas last week. What a surprise.  The rebels claim it was a military rocket while Damacus say that “terrorists” caused the explosion.  

Well, Syrian President , Wyle E. Bin Coyote, why don’t you just blame it on the ACME bomb factory?

Bottom line: 16 people died but that should not bother you—what does it matter to you if its 16 or 1000 people dead—blood is blood and it has stained your hands a million times over.   What are 16 more?

Well, I just got a tip that a fellow Magpie has located a couple of crows pretending to be magpies. They are hiding out in a nearby cornfield so until next time…see ya then.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Return of the Mighty Magpie

HL Mencken once referred to the American People as “Boobus Americanus”.  Are we?  Well folks, I am still working on that one.  I like the phrase “Numb Nuts” for some people but not all.  I laugh and squeal with delight at the “sincere” complaints of our beloved celebrities who seem to me more like spoiled overfed house pets then actual people.

Our political system is rift with nail bitten attempts to dethrone a president, rock ‘em sock ‘em matches with the Supremes (our beloved Supreme Court) and the political worming and writhing of political leaders as they attempt to preserver their precious necks in upcoming elections.

Actions speak louder then words, they say. Actions, folks—it’s all about the actions.

So I would like to present to my personal comments on events that have taken place since I had to move the Mighty Magpie into hiatus.  OH and my hiatus was totally computer related.  The pen still runs blue and true with the bite of my comments.  Here is what I have to say about some news that really shouldn’t be news:

Jon Lovit’s Rant Against President Obama

That is what I really like about rich actors:  They are professionals and have the ability to act as if they really care.

Susan Sarandon denied White House clearance:

I am pretty sure that Sarandon isn’t going to let me into HER house so why should the American Taxpayer let HER into theirs?  She should quit whining and be thankful that she is one of the elite, the privileged, the famous and on and on and on.  As for her being under government surveillance—The Freedom of Information Act, which she used to gain this bit of news, allows her the right to do the very same thing to the government through legal acquisition of irrelevant documents.  So what’s the problem?  If she had not been peeking in her file, she would not have been so upset.

Billionaires (like James Cameron) back new space venture called Planetary Resources—this is a is a Mr. Peabody’s Coal Train attempt to mine the universe of it’s platinum supply.:

Tap…tap…tap…I’m still waiting for my flying car in a briefcase.  Ah well; now this is the way the government should have allowed NASA to operate—with outside investors and less taxpayer money.  I was saddened to see shuttle Discovery put out to pasture but with Cameron’s cash and Paul Allen’s (of Microsoft fame) new flying launch pad (you heard right), maybe the point of having built and flown Discovery won’t be more then a lonely curiosity in a Museum (the Smithsonian).  It’s exciting to see life breathed by a capitalist bellow back into the space program.

Crab Powered Computers:

Yes this was actually in the news and I just couldn’t resist.  It would be just downright disturbing to say that my computer has crabs.

Gawker publishes photo of  Bill O’Reilly in topless scandal:

OMG.  Its from his very younger collegiate years—he is with a topless woman who looks like she was just passing by but the real stunner here is this:

OMG! It’s Bill O’Reilly with two topless men!  And one of them is making a devil sign—OH THE HORROR--OH THE HUMANITY!

Joe Biden declares that the “war on women” is real:

When Biden grows breasts and his nether regions converge to form a vagina—then what he says on this subject will matter.  Obviously, if he has been fighting for women’s rights and women are STILL not being paid equally to men then he should probably stop helping the cause by NOT helping the cause.  I have no doubt that his words are well meaning but, honestly folks, his words are…well…meaningless.

Justin Bieber was bullied as a youth:

OK I am SO sorry:  I just cannot stop laughing. Looks like he got bullied all the way to the bank. Bless his little heart.  Seriously, to all you celebrities out there—stop it.

The demographic reshaping of the Latino vote:

There are concerns on this subject of illegal activities—well of course there are:  we have illegal immigration and apparently that is ok so why not have illegal voting?  If there is no respect for what is supposed to be the law:  why bother having laws?

900 students told they were wrongly admitted to UCLA:

Well, OK then…I guess when you are big and prestigious, you can smash the hearts of 900 eager and hopeful wann- learners. These kids should be thankful this academic brain trust did not do any more damage then over booking the UCLA Grand Hotel.  I think I smell lawyers in love.  Move over ambulance chasers:  a new market has just opened up.

And that’s the news you might or might not have missed.  I have a lot more so stayed tuned.