I thought the Magpie was going to be stuck talking about those boring republicans again this week but the news never ceases to disappoint me. Nope. Not ever…ever….ever…and ever.
Al Quaida Owes 9.3 Billion Dollars
Apparently, a US District Judge has determined that Al Quaida owes the companies who suffered such tremendous damage 9.3 Billion Dollars. I want to be the bug in the phone when a collector tries to call to collect that money. How many times can a collector take over the phone the hissing and spitting of “Die! Satanic Swine”. Well, Al Quaida, we know that bill collectors are all Satanic Swine and now you will get a call. I hear they transferred Peggy to collections.
Perhaps a time to reflect on 9/11 once again: I’m sorry you lost all of your pretty, shiny buildings and I sincerely hope you can recoup your losses and I am pretty sure you don’t care when I say that you cannot recoup the loss of human life or the light diminished in a human soul when one loses a loved one in such a violent way.
Yes, I hope you get your money back. It is after all what you are all about. I would hope that you will partician a portion of that 9.3 billion dollars to the families who so richly deserve it. You can rebuild, that’s a given, but you aren’t yet so all powerful that you can rebuild a human life.
Good luck to you on that.
Philedelphia: To the City of Brotherly Love
Four mentally disabled people were found locked in a basement in Philadelphia. Apparently someone called and complained about squatters in the building and police were sent to investigate. They found four disabled people locked in a basement behind steele door that had been chained. The unfortunate four will survive and are resting comfortably at the hospital while the police figure out who was charged with their care.
Whoever the scum were that incarcerated these poor souls to you I say this: I hope you are the guys assigned to go to the door of Al Quaida requesting that they pay back that 9.3 billion dollars. You will deserve exactly what they would give you.
This monstrous behavior that you have levied on these innocents is shameful and deserves the severest response from authorities. I am assuming that these poor folks are getting some sort of check for disability which you are selfishly keeping to yourselves. I hope that Social Security will chase your sorry butts down and get you your just desserts.
Finally, something much better then an IPad: The Numi
Oh so many words flushed though my head when I read about the Numi. It’s a toilet. Its not JUST a toilet: it’s a 6400 dollar toilet from Koehler. So…. really people. Come this Christmas when your kid looks at the only present under the tree, it has his name on it and it’s the ONLY present under the tree and it’s a freakin’ TOILET!—well, you heard “I told you so” right here. Don’t sacrifice your Christmas so you can have an ass as clean as Donald Trump’s.
Seriously this is a toilet that is electronic, it has backlighting or should I say “backside lighting” and it will clean you AND dry your spoiled little tushie.
The Mighty Magpie will leave you with this one truism regarding the Numi: A rat can still crawl up that toilet drain and pop out of the Numi and bite you in the bum.
I’m just sayin.
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